Never Really Gone
by chickay
Summary: Rini POV. She had vowed forever to protect those she loved. Even if it cost her her life. A delve into the mind of the daughter she left motherless when she sacrificed her life for everyone's happiness.


            A/N: I do not own Sailor Moon.

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**            Never really gone…**

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            Hello. My name is Queen Serenity II but my friends call me Rini and my parents used to call me Small Lady. My grandmother was the Goddess Selene of the Moon. It was she who sacrificed herself for the sake of the generation of the Silver Millennium to be saved from the chaos that it had been overcome by the invasion of the evil sorceress Beryl. She gave up her life and entity and obligation as the guardian of the moon to save my mother and father and their friends and let be reborn to the Earth generations later with the hopes that they would find a better life here. She died for the sake of the future.

            Like mother, like daughter I suppose.

            Yes, my friends. I still feel the darkness in my heart when I say to you that my mother, the beloved Queen of Neo-Tokyo, Usagi Chiba, the reincarnation of Serenity I of the Silver Millennium, has sadly passed away. Well, 'passed away' isn't really the word to use. 'Passed away' would lead you to think that she just grew old and one day died in her sleep or something relatively simple and painless and quick like it. Too bad hers was anything but.

            It happened a year ago. 

            A new enemy had been rising from the further reaches of the galaxy. The original scouts were regrouped. Granted, it wasn't without some resentment and grudges. After all, they had been living somewhat ordinary lives up to that point. They were…_happy. Hmm…I never thought I would be able to associate those words with the guardians of the Silver Millennium. Their fates and duties hardly left room for much happiness. I mean, when you're putting your life on the line for a brat that my mother was at her age at that time, I'm pretty sure there wasn't much to be grateful for. But I shouldn't speak so badly of the dead, especially when my mother was anything but bad. _

            My mother was kind. She was sweet and caring. She was willing to sacrifice her own life when the occasion called for it and had cheated death several times. She was a loyal friend, a passionate and loving wife, and a most capable mother that I am proud to say I am her daughter. Granted, she wasn't the most graceful person. However, she managed. The greatest flaw you could say she had was that…she cared _too much._

            And I guess you could say that's why she's six-feet under right about now. She cared too much. She cared too much for all the people on this godforsaken world. She gave too much of herself to everyone around her, her family, friends and subjects, that it was like she had this immense and endless supply of power and energy that always made her cheerful and so full of hope for the future. She led us to believe she was all-powerful, that she would always live on for us, be there to protect and guide us…love us. 

            I think back to that fateful day. It was a heinous day. And I, sadly, remember every last second of it. 

            The sun was starting to go down, night beginning to fall upon us. All around me, soldiers and scouts alike that were able to sustain the battle stood by my side. Blood was everywhere. Blood of the enemy, blood of comrades, even our own were flung all over, creating a sick mural of death and destruction to my decaying home city. It soaked through our uniforms and armor, settling onto our skins like slime. But had been fighting too long for our battle-beaten minds to distinguish sweat from blood and had long since left our emotions aside. Venus had suffered of three broken bones and she was none too happy from being ordered to stay inside. Jupiter had a broken leg but stood back with a bow and arrow handy. Neptune had been captured and tortured but was rescued thanks to Uranus and Saturn and several troops that never made it back. Neptune sports a long, jagged cut along her backbone now. We had her stay out of the field and she was glad to comply. Mercury had done overtime, overworking herself with the injured that she had passed out five times already but she always got back up again. Heh. She didn't know when to quit. But it's a good thing sometimes. While I was standing in the battlefield, I figured she was still watching over Mars. The fire soldier had done her share of heroism, nearly killing herself with the use of her mental powers against the enemy. She managed to wipe out a fourth of the enemy and found her way to a coma as a reword for her bravery.

            And so, it was me, some of the remaining senshi, the troops, and my mother. Gods. Even covered in blood, clothes tattered like a rag doll; blood dripping here and there, my mother was gorgeous. She was so beautiful. When the enemy came upon us, my mother didn't hesitate for one second. She lunged at the monster without a second thought, giving it all she had while I and the others held off the minions. 

It was a horrible experience. And sadly, I remember it all. Mother flew up to the master of the minions, calling forth a war cry that we all cheered on as she battled. But then…she fell. Like the bloodied angel, Lucifer, she fell from the skies, from her battle and onto the desolate rubble of one of our subjects' homes. I disregarded my position as a soldier and ran to her. I ran to her like a baby. She was breathing raggedly, eyes half-opened, wanting badly to close and shut out the world; to rest and sleep forever… I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to. I shook her until she finally came back to. I was screaming at her to get up when I felt something dark and cold grasp at my body. Next thing I knew, I was up in the sky, and dark sparks igniting about me, exploding on the surface of my skin and sending dark surges through my body. I heard my name in the distance and opened one bleary red eye. Mother was up again. She had a look of anger and fire in her eyes, a dark shade passing through her fairy-features. Before the concept even hit me, she was already floating towards the master that held me in his evil hold. She stopped in the air, about fifteen feet away from where I was wringing with pain and gritting my teeth from crying out. But when I saw her face, the way her arms and hands were positioned right in front of her chest, I knew what she had in mind and  shrieked against her decision. But she didn't listen. Goddamit she didn't listen…Bitch never listened!

            I didn't even realize that I was crying until days later when I finally woke up. Then I remembered everything else that happened. I was screaming at her to back off, to go away. You know: live to fight another day and all that crap. But she didn't listen. She said, "I've already lost a loved one to these bastards. I'll be damned if I let them take you."

            She was referring to my father, King Endymion. Yes. He died about a week ago, in mother's arms. He died doing what he had been doing for centuries, guarding and protecting her. So you can understand why I would be damned if I let her do this. 

            …Heh

            **Damn me.**

            She gave this small smile at me while I was crying, banging on the force field that surrounded me, not caring about the pain surging through me. She said, and I'll never forget this,

            "I love you, Rini." Tears rimmed her eyes as her face set to a grim, determined expression. "Remember that." The she screamed out the ancient words my grandmother spoke in her time…her death. My mother's body glowed with this incredible bright light and this silence passed over all of us. Every single memory I had of mother flashed before me. 

            It was hell. The white light engulfed us all and I barely noted that I was falling through the ground.

            For a while I hated her. I couldn't stand her, let alone bear to look in the mirror and have to see this red-eyed, pink-haired version of the woman. Oh god how I hated her. And I wished so hard that I could continue to hate her. Mars changed that. I know she and my mother had bickered non-stop with each other in their earlier days. But they loved each other like sisters, like everyone else in the scouts did. But with Mom and Rei, it was stronger. She came into my room one day, while I was still recovering.

            My city was in ruins

            My father was dead

            My mother was gone

            No longer would I have either of the two 

            No longer would I see them in the morning, their faces varying in different emotions from happy, somber, to rage

            No longer would I have strong arms to hold me when I cry to sleep

            No longer would those soft hands run through my hair and twist them into those buns

            I would have no father to give me away to Helios at our wedding

            I would have no mother to watch and fuss over my children

            No more good night kisses

            Smiles

            Laughter

            Sunshine

            I was depressed beyond belief. Rei changed that. She came in one day and sat by me. None of us said a word for a while. Then she began to speak. What came out of those soft lips changed me.

            "I saw your mother," I turned to her in anger and shock. What kind of sick game was she playing? She only stared at me with unfeeling eyes. "While I was sleeping." She explained. She toyed with her hair for a moment before continuing. "When I was on the edge of life." She turned to me and I noticed just how sad those hues of violet were. She took my hand into hers and I noticed they were surprisingly warm. I don't know why I was surprised to feel her warmth. I guess I had grown so used to my cold desolate room for so long that the idea of something warm and happy was just…a faint memory.

            Rei suddenly gave a choked laugh, staring at our hands. "Your mother," She said, laughing sadly. "Gods, she's a stubborn woman. She wouldn't let me rest, the bitch. Wouldn't let me go on to the other side." She was laughing now but I felt the salty liquid running over our knuckles and some emotion seemed to zap back into me with those tiny teardrops. "She said-" She paused, bringing one hand to silence a sob that only half-escaped her mouth. She closed her eyes, tears running out of the inner corners as she tried to compose herself. "She said that my job's not done." She gave a faint smile. "She said that I have a life to live. That I have a family and children to look after. I told her the same thing and ordered her to haul ass back to the world of the living." She sobbed freely now and I turned over to pat her on the back in comfort. When Rei looked back up, tears were pouring forth like water behind a dam. "Your mother loved you so much, Rini." She said, her soft hands griping mine. "She loved all of us. She gave up her life so that we can live. So that we can be happy." She bent over our linked hands, head bowing to touch our knuckles. "Don't be so sad anymore baby. Live your life as it was meant to be." She raised her eyes to mine, red and puffy, tears filling to the brim and still flowing over her now-wet cheeks. "We all loved her, Rini. We all loved her." She reached out and cupped my cheek. It was then I realized I was crying. I hadn't even known it but my cheeks were just as wet as Rei's now. Rei forced my cheek her way. "Please move on with your life, Rini." She begged me. "Please don't let her death be in vain."

~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Nee-chan?" I feel a small hand squeeze mine and I snap back to reality and turn to look into the tainted innocent, dark cobalt eyes of my little brother Endymion, named for my father. I lean over and pat his head softly, running my fingers through those golden locks that remind me so much of mother. 

            "Yes, Endy?" Five years old and he has already seen far too much bloodshed than any child should. His guardians were killed before his very eyes but I find some sense of solace in thinking it was better them than him. Endymion II of Earth. My brother. An orphan. Just like me. We're all each other has, pertaining to family. We're what's left of a beautiful family that once was.

            "Why do you look so sad?"

            "I'm just…thinking, that's all." He nods, accepting the cryptic answer as it was. He turns to the intertwining statues before us. I look as well, taking in the solidified, elegant forms of my mother and father. Each has on hand gripping that of the other statues'.      They're wearing their royal outfits and they look as happy, proud, and young and vital as they had years ago when they were still teenagers. The planet crests are embedded onto their foreheads as they stare into their identical crystalline eyes.

            "Was Mommy really that beautiful?" Endy asks me. He barely remembers her, let alone Dad. We tried our best to keep him away from the battlefield and sent him to hiding and they almost got him once. But gratefully, he was able to escape. I stare at the stunning image of my mother. I shake my head, smiling.

            "No, Endy." I reply to his question. "This statue will never do her justice."

            "Really?"

            "Really." I say with a sense of seriousness though with a smile on my face. I can't bring myself to frown around him. He has this bright aura around him that makes you want to just smile and laugh…Mom's aura. I shake my head of these thoughts. "So, Endy. You got it?"

            "Oh yeah!" He reaches by him and pulls out a dozen white roses. On from each of the planetary scouts, one from me and one from Endy, and two more each from Helios and the Starlights, who fought by our side during the battles as well. He goes up and lays down the roses at the foot of the statues' feet. He turns to me. "Can I do it now?"

            I nod. And he turns around to face the statues.

            "Hi Mom," He greets the feminine statue. "Hi Dad. Sis says that we ought to come here and pay our respects to you and let you know that we're doing fine. Well, just the other day I played with Akiri and Koji. Aunt Makoto is staying at the palace for a week and so are Auntie Rei and Auntie Ami and Aunt Minako too! Auntie Haruka is coming soon with Hotaru and Aunt Michiru. Aunt Michiru seems sadder lately. But I don't want to be rude and ask. Oh yeah! And Aunt Puu stopped by in the palace a few days ago. She said she was going to see you two. I guess you already knew that. Anyways, I started my lessons but they're very boring. Artemis is fun when he's teaching me how to fence but he can be kind of boring sometimes. And…"

            I stand back and let my brother have his words with our parents. I know he will never know our parents and I know it must hurt.  But I will do my best. I swear upon my title as the Queen of the Moon that I will never allow any harm to come to him. My Mother gave up her life so we could have a better one and all hell will break loose before I let anyone hurt the people in my life. 

            …hahah

            Wow. I sound like Mom.

            For obvious reasons, I feel rather proud of it.

             "Do you think Mom and Dad are happy?" I smile softly at the question and nod solemnly at my brother. 

            "Yes." I say with finality. "I know they're happy."

            I pat his head once and tell him to go back inside and that I'll be there soon. He scuttles off and I turn to the statues before me. I twirl a pink strand around my finger. 

            "Hey Mom. Hey Dad. It's been a while. I miss you a lot and so does Endy. It was hard at first you know. Harnessing the Crystal was something you and I never got around to dealing with. But we've managed. We're doing okay now. Rei slipped out of her coma fast enough but Minako can't walk now without a cane. Michiru…Well, I think she was traumatized by her experience. I don't know if she'll ever get over it. She's much more subdued, worse than I was after you went away, Mom. 

            "I'm marrying Helios soon. Yeah, we got engaged a few months ago. He really is a wonderful man, Daddy. Older, yes. But he was willing to wait for me this long and he says that he won't risk the chance of losing me before he proves to me just how much he loves me. I wish you could be there, both of you. But somehow, I don't think I'll need to wish so hard…"

            My eyes trail up to the statues, taking in the familiar face and figures I had grown to love so much. The statue of my mother and father have them holding hands, each holding one hand out to the visitor. I extend my arms, my fingers grazing the cold surfaces as memories flood through my head…

_            -Mommy look! Watch me go!_

_            -Be careful Rini!_

_            -Don't worry so much Usako. She'll be fine—Rini! Wait! Don't_

_            -Hahaha…Don't worry, eh?_

_            -Daddy Daddy! Can I dance with you?_

_            -Of course I don't. Unless my partner decides otherwise…_

_            -Dork. Of course you may have this dance with this man. But save one for me okay Rini?_

_            -Okay Mommy!_

_            -Oh Gods! Where's my makeup? Where's my brush?_

_            -Honey stop that._

_            -Easy for you to say. You got the good, pretty genes and kept them!_

_            -Hahaha. Come here baby_

_            -What are you doing?_

_            -Last time I checked it was combing your hair_

_            -Why? It's totally not worth the effort. I look like total crap_

_            -Rini!_

_            -It's true!_

_            -No it isn't. You're beautiful. Don't forget that_

_            -You're my mother. You have to say that_

_            -I don't say things that I don't mean_

_            -May I may this dance Princess?_

_            -Uh-Uhm yeah! I mean, uh, yes!_

_            -Mamo?_

_            -Wha? _

_            -What's wrong honey?_

_            -Nothing darling. Nothing_

_            -You're a horrible liar_

_            -Hahah_

_            -Really, Mamo_

_            -What's wrong?_

_            -…Nothing_

_            -…Don't worry so much Mamo-kun_

_            -What?_

_            -He's a good guy_

_            -…_

_            -She'll be fine_

_            -…I know_

_            -Dad?_

_            -Hmm? Yes?_

_            -Daddy what's wrong? You look sad_

_            -Just…thinking_

_            -Uh-oh_

_            -Haha. No, Rini. I'm fine_

_            -Are you sure?_

_            -No, just thinking, that's all_

_            -Dad…?_

_            -I'm just thinking of the past. _

_            -…Past?_

_            -Haha. When you were five, dancing out in the rain, dress caked with mud_

_            -Hahah. I remember that. Luna had a fit_

_            -I think she would've been more lenient if your mother wasn't out there with you_

_            -Oh my gosh! He's so cute!_

_            -What else would you expect out of us two?_

_            -Dad!_

_            -Hahaha._

_            -He's the blonde version of you dad. He's even got your eyes._

_            -Yes he does_

_            -Quick question: How the heck did I get mixed up with these genes?_

_            -What genes?_

_            -You know, pink hair, red eyes?_

_            -I thnk you'll have to take up Mercury on that one baby_

_            -UGH!_

_            -Rini…_

_            -Mom, don't start! I'm never going to get this right! I don't even know why I even have to try and do this_

_            -Because you have the potential and it's the right thing_

_            -Mom, I am never going to get this. It's too hard! _

_            -How would you know if you're not willing to try?_

_            -I have tried! I've been trying for weeks! I still haven't gotten it down! _

_            -It takes time baby. Just give it some time and practice._

_            -Mom…_

_            -Enough young lady. Now, are you with me or not?_

_            -…_

_            -Okay, let me rephrase that, are you going to continue your sessions with me or should I call Artemis over for your lessons?_

_            -MOON __CRYSTAL__ POWER!_

_            -That's my girl_

_            -DADDY! MOM! Is he-_

_            -…Come here Rini_

_            -Dad!_

_            -Shh…not so loud baby_

_            -I'm sorry_

_            -No need_

_            -No! I mean, I'm sorry about all this. I'm Sailor Moon now. I should be protecting you all_

_            -Don't say that darling_

_            -But it's true_

_            -No it isn't_

_            -You couldn't have possibly foreseen this. It's not your fault_

_            -But dad- You're…_

_            -Finally not able to cheat death_

_            -DAD!_

_            -Haha…I'm sorry Rini. It's just a dying man's twisted sense of humor_

_            -Dad…_

_            -Come now, Rini. Please don't cry._

_            -Daddy please don't leave us. Please, I'm begging you don't-_

_            -I'm never going to leave you Rini. I'll always be here for you. Think of me as your guardian angel in the sky. Watching out for you_

_            -Daddy please_

_            -I love you Rini. But you should already know that, right? Haha_

_            -Dad!_

_            -Mamo…_

_            -…I love you Usagi. _

_            -I know_

_            -Please be careful, my love_

_            -I will…Wait for me?_

_            -Always and forever…_

_            -Dad? DAD! DADDY!!!_

_            -…Good-bye Mamoru, my dear sweet husband_

_            -MOM-_

_            -I've already lost a loved one to these bastards. I'll be damned if I let them take you._

_            -MOM! STOP IT! GO BACK GODDAMIT! MOM PLEASE!! DON'T DO THIS!_

_            -I love you Rini…_

_            -MOM! NO!!!_

_            -Remember that._

_            -NOOOOOOOO!!!!!_

            I pry my fingers away from the statues as tears stream down my face. Daddy, the kindest, loving man on the planet who loved up to his name as my mother's protector. He was a great father and, in a spiritual sense, still is. And mom…

            She was something else.

            She was our everything. 

            And in a big way to me, she is all-powerful. She is still living on for us, the people she loved. She's still here, around us, guiding, protecting, and loving us every step of the way.

            I close my eyes as a twin breezes suddenly collapse with each other, creating a soft cyclone around me. And I know. 

            "Hi Mom." I whisper to the wind, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Hey Dad."

            I can almost hear the teenaged giggle and soft rumble of a laugh. 

            "Mommy?" I ask the wind before me. A gentle impression from the sky presses against my cheek and I know she's listening to me. "I never got a chance to tell you…" I open my eyes and see a ghost of a figure outlined in the dying sun. Twin pigtails that mirror my own, huge eyes, serene smile. 

            "I love you too."

            And as I walk away, I come to the realization about my parents. They will never be truly gone. I plan to remember them for the rest of my life. And others will learn of their story and remember them as well. So, in a sense, they will never be gone. Just a fading memory, that's all. But never gone. For it is when their memory and existence is ignored and ceased, that one is truly gone. In my heart, I know they're still here… My guardian angels.

**~*chickay*~**


End file.
